A couple of weeks ago, I received a text from my daughter, early in the morning.
She asked if I would be able to take her to a doctor, as she’d had some kind of insect bite. It wasn’t getting better and it was painful.
My daughter does not have a car so she relies on getting rides, taking the bus, or using the occasional Uber.
I told her, “Sure,” and asked which doctor she wanted to go to. She replied that she guessed she’d go the med center emergency room I’d recommended because of my good experience there.
“Fine,” I said and we arranged a pick-up time.
When I told my husband, he reminded me that due to my daughter’s lack of insurance, the med center might refer her elsewhere, which could cause a huge wait for us, dragging out our involvement into much more of the day than we could spare at that time.
I thought for a moment. “Well, if that’s the case, we’ll just have to drop her off and come back for her when they’ve seen her.”
He appeared in my office doorway a few minutes later and earnestly asked, “Are you going to be able to let this go?”
I felt a little exasperated by his question. How could I know how I MIGHT feel in an hour or so – if my daughter was turned away at the best med center in town? Yet, I also knew that I’ve asked many similar questions of others in my lifetime.
- “Are you going to feel badly?”
- “Are you going to be okay tomorrow?”
- “Are you going to feel a certain way because that’s usually how you probably feel, even though we don’t know what will happen, but we think we do?”
I stopped for a moment. I looked at him, took a breath and said, “Yes.”
“Yes,” I repeated. “I’m going to be able to let it go. There. Isn’t that better? I’ve agreed to feeling a certain way before anything has even happened! Doesn’t that sound crazy?”
I let the moment of crazy sink in. I looked at my husband.
“Never mind,” he said, and turned to leave. “It DOES sound crazy!”
That realization of the crazy thinking I participate in at times helped me that day. It kept things in perspective. It helped me detach and let my daughter make her own arrangements for her healthcare. (She is 32, after all)
My husband and I drove her to the med center emergency room and they did treat her. But we simply sat in the waiting room and allowed it to unfold as it did.
When the procedure was finished, she came out and we took her home. She said they’d given her a prescription, but she didn’t ask us to fill it. I didn’t offer.
Later that afternoon, she called and said she wanted to ask my opinion! I was shocked.
My daughter has NEVER asked for my opinion before. She didn’t have to – because I usually gave it to her, whether she wanted it or not!
Things are definitely changing in our relationship, and I would say, for the better.